I was asleep when I had an epiphany and so I hurried out of bed and drafted a letter today, addressed to Barack Obama of the coconut factory at the Wendy house in Yankee Doodle’s back yard.
I offered to the said coconut magnate an incredible opportunity to place some of Yankee Doodles missiles and other armaments in my garden in Lithuania, which I believe is a unique and strategic position from where the Yankee Doodles can quash any imminent danger from Tarzan the Putin and his Cossack radicals.
Furthermore there are some minor conditions attached to the offer which I have listed below and are strictly non negotiable.
1. That the USA government takes steps to put British MP William Haig out of his misery and kindly escort him to the Electric chair, whereupon they invited me or a person or persons nominated by me to connect the jump leads.
2. There is a wild animal, which is currently running rampant, spreading falsehoods and disturbing my peace here in Scotland. I believe the said creature is known as Eric Salmond and sometimes the first ministerial creature of Scotland. I call upon any Yankee Doodle support to entrap this ministerial lout, take him out and dispose of him to the bottom of an ocean, far away from anywhere he could cause any trouble and confusion.
3. That members of the house of parliament here in the United Kingdom including members of Scotlands very own Disneyland at Hollyrood Edinburgh are all gathered together and taken to Guantanamo Bay detention camp for re-education. They must only be released once they have all successfully completed a course on telling the truth.
4. That the Yankee Doodle authorities pass a law whereupon McDonalds’ restaurant are forced to stop serving obese people at their eateries.
5. That the Yankee doodle authorities call upon Hollywood movie makers to stop distorting the truth and building up Yankee Doodle ego’s by portraying Yankee Doodle as the only protectors of the world against alien insurgents and attacks.
You as my blog friends will have noted that these are just simple demands and an offer made without any prejudice.
Finally, as you would expect from someone of Pakistan origin I do also expect some lolly stuffed in a brown paper bag and shoved behind the coal bunker next to the wooden hut beside the outside karzi.
God save Yankee Doodle and all those who live in it