Boredom & The Egg

ImageIn my life long quest to alleviate some boredom and to prevent me from picking my nose today, I somewhat reluctantly summoned myself to watch an egg boil. An egg? I hear you say, Yes friends an egg, it was no ordinary egg but one selected from the top of the range variety which my local 24hr Asda super store regularly vends. However, I was for a brief moment feeling a little sympathy for this egg and its family and I hope in time its poor mother will find it in her yolks to forgive me.
It was an amazing eggsperience only 2 notches below watching paint dry and a notch below watching Scotland’s answer to Mr Blobby, & the slightly egg shaped Eck Salmond and his side kick what’s her name on tv?
Anyway, at the beginning the egg was peaceful as it sat at the bottom of the small pan, which was not wholly full of cold water but just about half. As I looked downwards at the medium sized organic egg it looked serene unbothered and chilled however little did it know I was about to disturb its tranquillity and quantum of solace, yes I was about to turn on the electric hob. As the heat began to rise, low and behold there was movement and a gentle stir in the pan. The said egg, which I shall now refer to as badoing also started to sway, at first from side to side and as the temperature of the water increased badoing began to shift around the pan a little quicker. A short while later I was almost tempted to pick my nose and return to my living room and watch big Eck’s party political broadcast but fortunately and a little abruptly my attention was drawn again to what was now violent movement inside the pan. The water was raging and showing its supremacy it was swishing and bubbling, badoing first rocking from side to side occasionally hitting of the walls of the pan. Eventually badoing had risen to the top silently screaming to be rescued from this boiling hot spring. I watched in some kind of anticipation occasionally yearning to throw badoing a life line and save him from this abject torture, but then I noticed that cracks had begun to appear on badoings shell. As a humanitarian I could not watch badoing suffer any longer so I quickly scooped him up with a table spoon, ran him under the cold water to relieve him of the burning soreness. Then I smacked him on the head to ensure he would feel no further pain, peeled off his already cracked skin, dissected him into 2 pieces sprinkled a little salt and pepper on both halves and gently placed them in to the orifice in my face one at a time. After about 45 seconds of chewing and biting badoing was gone.


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